Thursday, November 12, 2015

Something from Inside

Hello fellow bloggers/readers!

It is Thursday night and I finally am done (for the most part) with homework for this week, so I wanted to post for the weekend. I was asked to share a little bit about something more raw, which I used to do on older blogs, but have not really gotten into a lot with Second Rebel. It's funny that she asked me for a post like this because recently I have been in a funk and I feel like I need to do some writing about it so that maybe I can figure out how to get back on track. This may be a little deeper than I was going to go, but here it is!

Many of you may not know this about me, but I have been struggling with major depressive disorder and anxiety (amongst other things for later posts) and it has been an incredible journey through. By incredible, I don't mean it was all happy and uplifting, but I mean it has been the biggest part of my life thus far. For a quick run down, I started with these feelings when I was about 14. My parents divorced which was a HUGE shock for me and especially at that age. It was like my whole world was turned upside down. I never really bounced back from that I think, although I moved on and was not consciously ever thinking about it. I went through high school battling eating disorders, depression, and drinking among other things. A lot of high schoolers go through these stages, but again, it stuck with me up until 22.

I was finally done with the "hell" that was high school and I had hope and motivation to go forward and start creating my life and finding myself. This didn't happen for me so I felt that I needed to save myself with another plan in life and joined the Air Force. Mentally, the Air Force was very challenging for me. It tested me and bent me like nothing before ever had. Eventually, I broke. I ended up going to various treatment centers and counselors trying to figure out a way that I could look at life in a more positive view. I needed to live- both literally and figuratively.

Reaching out was the hardest thing I have ever done, and those of you that have done it deserve a huge pat on the back. Trying to explain to someone that you have nothing to look forward to in life and that everyday is so hard to even make it through isn't exactly an upbeat conversation. After two years of finally getting help while in the military, I finally started to grasp onto small things that slowly (and I mean slowly) started to actually use during the rougher days. I started praying again (I refound my relationship with a higher power while in a treatment retreat), I started taking medication, I started talking to people about the thoughts I was having, I started trying to change my thinking (positive thinking was HARD), I started making my healthy relationships stronger and let the harmful ones fade, and I started reading daily affirmations. Reading daily affirmations, praying, and meditating are still huge for me, they are skills I will never let go of. They are my life lines. There are a ton of daily affirmation books around and if you get the chance, pick one up and read one everyday when you wake up. It sets a nice outlook to the day that's ahead of you. Every night, pray or think about all of the things that you are grateful for. These things sound super cliche and never in a million years did I think I would ever do these things, but it's surprising how much they have helped me.

Although I finally pulled myself out of a gigantic whole of darkness, I still battle it almost every day. Some days are harder than others and recently I have been having some of those days. I try to keep reminding myself of all of the progress, skills, and positivity that I have brought into my life and keep practicing the things that work for me every single day. I can say that this past year has been an absolute blessing compared to the years before and I could not be more thankful to every part and every person who had something to do with pulling me out of that pit. I married Connor in July of this year and he knows exactly what my demons and battles have been. He is so supportive and is always there to help put me back on track or help make my days less rough, and I couldn't be more grateful to him. Family, friends, and even sometimes a couple of professionals ;) really have made all of the difference and it's been so nice having so many people to trust.

This post was meant to share something a little more personal for all of you who may not know me too well, but it has definitely been a nice reminder to turn to the things that work for me and to not forget that just because some days I feel great and happy, doesn't mean that I don't need to keep up on the maintenance so that I don't slip and fall on the next slump day I have. Thank you for listening and please, if you have any questions, comments, maybe things that work for you when you're in a weird/down mood, email me or comment below!


Sunday, November 8, 2015


Wow, can you believe you're seeing a post from me?! It's been so long! I completely have fallen off of the face of the planet. Since I last talked to you, I was about to start school, and now, I feel like I'm shoulders deep to school. Getting back to being a civilian and a student has been so weird and hard to get used to, but it's been fun feeling normal again! I'm taking "block" classes so I am completing them in half of the normal time a semester class would be. It's pretty brutal.

Besides school, Connor and I have been doing...well, to be honest, not a lot. He has his part-time job in Salt Lake City and then class in the evening and I have been trying new hobbies (stitching- picture below) and putting most of my attention into school. Guinevere is getting SO big! It really is crazy to watch how fast puppies grow. Connor and I are big babies and get so emotional over it all of the time when looking at her baby pictures. 

Life has been going pretty smoothly over the past few weeks. It gets to be a little boring sometimes, but I think that when life gives you a break you should take it. Although, every few weeks or so, when there is a small shop roundup or a craft event in town, I absolutely lose it. It's basically like going to Disneyland in my eyes. For about a month and a half I have been waiting ever-so patiently for the Pinners Conference & Expo to come to town and it was FINALLY time this weekend. I woke up early Friday and Saturday and spent all day long drooling over the 200+ shops and attending a few of the 100 classes that were offered. It was a blast! 

The conference had so many incredible small businesses, crafts, foods, and inspiration speakers. My favourite were the classes held about blogging and being able to network and get inspired. I made a few DIY (do it yourself) crafts and that made me just want to go crazy and try to makeover my entire house. I met a woman who was teaching a class about making an ADORABLE geometric wreath (seen below) and was introduced to her DIY blog called Vintage Revivals. Holy cow. Let me tell you...she must be a superhero because the things she does are seriously fantastic. Her workshop was so fun and it was so nice just to talk the whole time and pick her brain about her business. 

I really enjoyed the workshops I was able to get into and, even though I spent way too much money, the shops were to die for. Something about small, home, and local businesses really makes me feel good about supporting that community. I feel like it is more authentic and you really get what you pay for. Supporting small businesses helps out kids trying to play sports or maybe helps to get school supplies for the year, etc. Support your own community. 

Below I have posted some pictures of my favourite shops and crafts at Pinners this weekend. Take a look! The Pinners Conference is also in Phoenix, AZ and Dallas, TX, so if you ever get the chance to go, do so! 

Making my geometric wreath! Check out Vintage Revivals blog for tutorial!

LOVE these diaper bags! I want one just as a purse or travel bag!

Awesome makeup line by Kara! I saw her speak, she was wonderful.

Checkout Snag's blankets and baby wraps!

Arco makes the coolest watches! Men and women.

Adorable paper crafts!

Loving Salty Bison's cute signs!

Made this cute sign in a class! Check out wood connection's site to buy materials to create yours!

Another DIY craft I made in a class by Find it, Make it, Love it!

Okay... I am seriously obsessed with these camera bags by Johansen (@jototes)! they are all so incredible, check them out!'s this.

*side note* I went to Anthropologie and got my most favorite scent ever. 

There ya have it. I'll talk to you guys again soon, I promise! I am going to make it a priority of mine to get on more often. I hope your weekend was great and that you're week is even greater ;)


Saturday, September 26, 2015

On The Side

Happy Weekend!

How are you all doing? I am doing just fine! Wishing this darn hot weather would go away, though. GOOD NEWS! For those of you who read my last post about Connor's job, I am so proud of him to have found another job so quickly! He will be working part-time and going to school full-time in October along with me! We are both so ready for this. I am still trying to plan out just exactly what I want to do in school now and after I get my undergrad, so stay tuned for that. I have crazy plans that don't really compliment each other so I need to do some hard thinking. That's what I'm up to for the most part this weekend...brainstorming, brainstorming, brainstorming.

Today I went to a new friend's bridal shower and it was so lovely. The weather was just right and it felt so nice to just be with some girls for a bit. After the shower, my sister-in-law Bethany and I went to a "Small Shop Roundup". For those of you who may not know what this is, it's basically a little get together of small, local home businesses and Etsy shops that come out and sell their crafts. They have paintings, prints, hand-made jewelry, clothes, pots, baby clothes and shoes, food trucks, cross-stitching and so much more! Every time I go it's an absolute dream (and nightmare because I spend all of our money). I think it's such a great idea and I love supporting the local small businesses. I have been to two of these fairs here in Provo now and it inspires me to get back into my art and creativity, which I have been having a hard time with recently. It's always been a big outlet for me and I want to continue to use it.

Aside from loving the therapeutic and creative outlet that art provides me, I have been wanting to take it further. Opening a small home shop has been an idea I have had going in and out of my head for quite awhile now and every time I go to these roundups it makes the idea that much stronger. It would be such a fun way to get involved with the community, do what I love and what feels good, and even make a little money on the side. Do you or have you ever had an Esty shop or a home business? Eventually I would love to do prints with my graphic design and I also love to do watercolor paintings. I could maybe make those into posters and calendars? I'm just tossing around ideas! Let me know if you have any input! It's late and I am writing out whatever is floating in my head and this happens to be it! Check out some pictures I snapped of the shops at the last couple of gatherings. **A couple of pictures used are from Instagram and do not belong to me**


Here are a couple of my most recent watercolors!

OH! I got my hair cut :)


Sunday, September 20, 2015

Staying Up

Hello hello hello!

I feel like I am getting on to post a lot less than I have originally planned and I am sorry for that. Not only to anyone who likes to read, but to myself as well. Lately Connor and I have been going through some changes and life is pretty tiring right now. This past week Connor was let go at his job that he has had for the past 2 years. Not only was it an awful surprise and a shock to us, but we are newly married and trying to settle so it's been quite the week. It's been so nice having him home these last few days (and weird) so that he can hang out with Guinevere and I. We have been discussing different options for us and we are looking at this change as a new door for different opportunities and we are excited to change things up a bit! Sometimes you have to take a step back before you can take a couple steps forward. We both will be returning to School this Fall full-time and are so, so ecstatic. I will be double majoring and finishing up my Political Science major as well as Graphic Design. Connor is looking at majoring in Marketing. Wish us luck! It's going to be so weird being students again.

I am so blessed to have been in the military so that I can use my GI Bill for school and so that I get paid to go to school and for medical retirement every month. Though we have that for stability, Connor plans on getting a part-time job and I am hoping to get an awesome internship or small job just for fun. The Adobe headquarters is here and it would be incredible if I could somehow get involved there.

We feel confident about our plans and we will see where it leads us. I believe that everything happens for a reason. This weekend we kept busy and tried to lighten the mood and we did so by taking a little day trip to SLC to walk around some shops, watching scary movies, decorating for Halloween, and going on a little hike. I've added some pictures below!

Silly Sleepy Girl

BEST SODA EVER! (Coming soon to AZ!)

New Sweater from the Anthropologie Event :)

Too funny to not share!

Stay tuned!