Thursday, November 12, 2015

Something from Inside

Hello fellow bloggers/readers!

It is Thursday night and I finally am done (for the most part) with homework for this week, so I wanted to post for the weekend. I was asked to share a little bit about something more raw, which I used to do on older blogs, but have not really gotten into a lot with Second Rebel. It's funny that she asked me for a post like this because recently I have been in a funk and I feel like I need to do some writing about it so that maybe I can figure out how to get back on track. This may be a little deeper than I was going to go, but here it is!

Many of you may not know this about me, but I have been struggling with major depressive disorder and anxiety (amongst other things for later posts) and it has been an incredible journey through. By incredible, I don't mean it was all happy and uplifting, but I mean it has been the biggest part of my life thus far. For a quick run down, I started with these feelings when I was about 14. My parents divorced which was a HUGE shock for me and especially at that age. It was like my whole world was turned upside down. I never really bounced back from that I think, although I moved on and was not consciously ever thinking about it. I went through high school battling eating disorders, depression, and drinking among other things. A lot of high schoolers go through these stages, but again, it stuck with me up until 22.

I was finally done with the "hell" that was high school and I had hope and motivation to go forward and start creating my life and finding myself. This didn't happen for me so I felt that I needed to save myself with another plan in life and joined the Air Force. Mentally, the Air Force was very challenging for me. It tested me and bent me like nothing before ever had. Eventually, I broke. I ended up going to various treatment centers and counselors trying to figure out a way that I could look at life in a more positive view. I needed to live- both literally and figuratively.

Reaching out was the hardest thing I have ever done, and those of you that have done it deserve a huge pat on the back. Trying to explain to someone that you have nothing to look forward to in life and that everyday is so hard to even make it through isn't exactly an upbeat conversation. After two years of finally getting help while in the military, I finally started to grasp onto small things that slowly (and I mean slowly) started to actually use during the rougher days. I started praying again (I refound my relationship with a higher power while in a treatment retreat), I started taking medication, I started talking to people about the thoughts I was having, I started trying to change my thinking (positive thinking was HARD), I started making my healthy relationships stronger and let the harmful ones fade, and I started reading daily affirmations. Reading daily affirmations, praying, and meditating are still huge for me, they are skills I will never let go of. They are my life lines. There are a ton of daily affirmation books around and if you get the chance, pick one up and read one everyday when you wake up. It sets a nice outlook to the day that's ahead of you. Every night, pray or think about all of the things that you are grateful for. These things sound super cliche and never in a million years did I think I would ever do these things, but it's surprising how much they have helped me.

Although I finally pulled myself out of a gigantic whole of darkness, I still battle it almost every day. Some days are harder than others and recently I have been having some of those days. I try to keep reminding myself of all of the progress, skills, and positivity that I have brought into my life and keep practicing the things that work for me every single day. I can say that this past year has been an absolute blessing compared to the years before and I could not be more thankful to every part and every person who had something to do with pulling me out of that pit. I married Connor in July of this year and he knows exactly what my demons and battles have been. He is so supportive and is always there to help put me back on track or help make my days less rough, and I couldn't be more grateful to him. Family, friends, and even sometimes a couple of professionals ;) really have made all of the difference and it's been so nice having so many people to trust.

This post was meant to share something a little more personal for all of you who may not know me too well, but it has definitely been a nice reminder to turn to the things that work for me and to not forget that just because some days I feel great and happy, doesn't mean that I don't need to keep up on the maintenance so that I don't slip and fall on the next slump day I have. Thank you for listening and please, if you have any questions, comments, maybe things that work for you when you're in a weird/down mood, email me or comment below!


Sunday, November 8, 2015


Wow, can you believe you're seeing a post from me?! It's been so long! I completely have fallen off of the face of the planet. Since I last talked to you, I was about to start school, and now, I feel like I'm shoulders deep to school. Getting back to being a civilian and a student has been so weird and hard to get used to, but it's been fun feeling normal again! I'm taking "block" classes so I am completing them in half of the normal time a semester class would be. It's pretty brutal.

Besides school, Connor and I have been doing...well, to be honest, not a lot. He has his part-time job in Salt Lake City and then class in the evening and I have been trying new hobbies (stitching- picture below) and putting most of my attention into school. Guinevere is getting SO big! It really is crazy to watch how fast puppies grow. Connor and I are big babies and get so emotional over it all of the time when looking at her baby pictures. 

Life has been going pretty smoothly over the past few weeks. It gets to be a little boring sometimes, but I think that when life gives you a break you should take it. Although, every few weeks or so, when there is a small shop roundup or a craft event in town, I absolutely lose it. It's basically like going to Disneyland in my eyes. For about a month and a half I have been waiting ever-so patiently for the Pinners Conference & Expo to come to town and it was FINALLY time this weekend. I woke up early Friday and Saturday and spent all day long drooling over the 200+ shops and attending a few of the 100 classes that were offered. It was a blast! 

The conference had so many incredible small businesses, crafts, foods, and inspiration speakers. My favourite were the classes held about blogging and being able to network and get inspired. I made a few DIY (do it yourself) crafts and that made me just want to go crazy and try to makeover my entire house. I met a woman who was teaching a class about making an ADORABLE geometric wreath (seen below) and was introduced to her DIY blog called Vintage Revivals. Holy cow. Let me tell you...she must be a superhero because the things she does are seriously fantastic. Her workshop was so fun and it was so nice just to talk the whole time and pick her brain about her business. 

I really enjoyed the workshops I was able to get into and, even though I spent way too much money, the shops were to die for. Something about small, home, and local businesses really makes me feel good about supporting that community. I feel like it is more authentic and you really get what you pay for. Supporting small businesses helps out kids trying to play sports or maybe helps to get school supplies for the year, etc. Support your own community. 

Below I have posted some pictures of my favourite shops and crafts at Pinners this weekend. Take a look! The Pinners Conference is also in Phoenix, AZ and Dallas, TX, so if you ever get the chance to go, do so! 

Making my geometric wreath! Check out Vintage Revivals blog for tutorial!

LOVE these diaper bags! I want one just as a purse or travel bag!

Awesome makeup line by Kara! I saw her speak, she was wonderful.

Checkout Snag's blankets and baby wraps!

Arco makes the coolest watches! Men and women.

Adorable paper crafts!

Loving Salty Bison's cute signs!

Made this cute sign in a class! Check out wood connection's site to buy materials to create yours!

Another DIY craft I made in a class by Find it, Make it, Love it!

Okay... I am seriously obsessed with these camera bags by Johansen (@jototes)! they are all so incredible, check them out!'s this.

*side note* I went to Anthropologie and got my most favorite scent ever. 

There ya have it. I'll talk to you guys again soon, I promise! I am going to make it a priority of mine to get on more often. I hope your weekend was great and that you're week is even greater ;)